so since no one listens to me, and no one reads xanga, i figure i might as well vent in here.

so lately ive been really depressed like all year ive been depressed with the uplifting of kevin. but sometimes kevin isnt enough just because he cant be, mostly because hes all i have and when all you have isnt available or blows you off becuase unlike you, he has friends, it gets very lonely and depressing.

i cant even talk to anyone about having no friends or anything i dont have real friends anymore no one ever listens. if i say one thing they go on and on about how bad they have it and theres no way i can have it worse then them of course. but i know i have it worse then them not to be self pitying or anything but i know for a fact that they have friends, a lot of them. and i know for a fact that they have a very good life that there just not appreciative of. honestly i have like my mom dad and kevin. thats it lauren stein uses me and doesnt ever call me and wen she does shes not even that nice. all her stupid little friends are abnoxious and dont like me cause of some girl that i hate. and i dont have any other friends and besides the fact that lauren and her friends dont really like me anymore even if they did or pretended to, there all seniors. so then my other option is this one girl paige who works at my camp so we hung out like twice but like she asked me to hang out the other day only beacuse someone else cancelled on her, so i made up some kind of excuse not to hang out with her beucase i thought that was rude. so now im mad at kevin for really no reason because he siad that he was hanging ouit wtih his friends today and even though i have off of work and he could hang out with them all week but watever i cant confine him just because im pathetic to just hang out with me. so im mad at him cuase he went to the beach and didnt invite me iwth them till i called which is basically inviting myself and i hate douing that so i didnt go. ugh. thats pathetic even my own boyfriend doesnt even want to hang out with me. i just want to have what i used to i just want a few really close friends that i can be with and just have fun with who enjoy my company and i dont have to feel awkward around. even if i had like one friend like that i wouldnt even care. but no i have absolutely nothing and absoluitely no one. and now i dont even have anyone to talk to about it becuase kevins so sure that i have friends because he always has to prove me wrong and my mmom says i just dont try hard enough. and everyone else is to self absorbed to give a shit.

i dno wat to do anymore maybe ill be homeschooled this year or something. or maybe ill just fall off the face of the earth and i garuntee no one would notice.

oh god ashleys odor is eating me and devouring my soul shes sitting right next to me reading this..back to xanga we go. yo i have nothing to right about. ashley, i want tims brother to come :(

boohhoo booohoooo boohoohoo.

sammy licks poop at 12 in the morning on a sunday afternoon.